Sometimes I wonder if maybe i’m just too far gone…

Let’s see, right now I should be doing homework, but uhhh… i’m not, lol.

Hmmm…. things have been pretty good. I play a lot of uno and trouble with people. I won my first game of scrabble a couple of weeks ago. That was exciting.

I’ve been hanging out with my roommate, (Melissa), my RA Sarah, Amanda (across the hall), Katie p. (our next door neighbor), and Jana, (she’s my favorite). She’s great.

Let’s see. I’ve been playing in the snow when I can. I fall down a lot. I tackled Katie into the snow the other day. I’ve been riding in the car with Jana, she’s funny. She talks to the other drivers. I’ve been going to Perkins  (a resturant). We’ve been studying and such there. It’s a good time.

I’ve also been playing Halo and James bond on xbox with Jana. She sux at james bond, it’s real funny. She’s really good at Halo though, so it balances out.

I miss my lovely friends from home. I wish Sarah were here. I think she’d have a good time.  Jodi too.

I come home in like 4 days. It’s so soon. Until a few months ago, I didn’t think I would ever miss this place. But I see now that I was wrong. My heart is in two places now and that’s hard.

I’ve been growing a lot with God here too. I’ve been really challenged, especially in the past few weeks. I want God to become my everything, I want him to become all that I need. I want to trust in him. I want to know him. I want to be like him. I want so much to become the person he wants me to be. Sometimes it feels like that is a hopeless request. It feels like i’m so far from the person I want to be that it is impossible.  There are so many areas that I fall short in. God is opening my eyes though. I want him to work in me and through me. I want all of him. I love him…

H&C <3 always, Tiffany

You know those times when you walk into an aisle at Walmart or Target or wherever and every toy or singing thing is pressed and it’s so freaking annoying?

… You’re welcome.

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it’s really a meteorite hurtling to earth, which will destroy life. Then you’re pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for unless it’s death by meteorite.

~Random Poster in our prayer room~

Below this are some lyrics from different songs that have really been speaking to me.

I feel like right now, everything around me, everything I love, everything that is important to me is being attacked. Every time I pick up the phone or walk out of my room it is something new. Something more painful than the last. I feel like the world around me is crumbling and there’s nothing I can do. I can’t fix it. On top of that God is asking me to do things that are hard, and that are breaking me, and honestly sometimes I just do not understand.

A big part of me wants to give up, I want to go home, throw in the towel. I have nothing left. But through it all God has been showing me that I need to place my trust in Him. I’m not going to understand everything, but my God is faithful and He is mighty to save.

I believe he is bringing me to a complete place of brokenness before him, so that I have nothing but him. God wants all of me, but I hold on so tightly to some things, wanting to do it in my own strength. I want control and to handle everything. I want to plant my feet and try to hold everything together. But I just can’t anymore. I’m not supposed to.

Even if I lose all I hold dear. Even if my world tumbles around me. Even if I am left alone by those I love. My God is always there and he will hold my hand and bring me through. Because he loves me, and did not bring me to this desert to abandon me.

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

My Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

~Mighty to Save

God above all my hopes and fears
And I don’t care what the world throws at me now
I’m gonna be alright

Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a war for me
Salvation is here
~Salvation is here

You are the source of the life
I can’t be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of you

I need You Jesus
To come to my rescue
Where else can I go
There’s no other name by
Which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow you

This world has nothing for me
I will follow You
This world has nothing for me
I will follow You

~Rescue

I’m pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I’m blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy’s gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

~Trading my sorrows

 

Come like You promised You would
I want to surrender for good
I know that I need You and I don’t
want to keep living life alone

So take this heart and make it new
Make it true make it like You
Take my hands I lift them high
Theyr’e Yours not mine to do

Do what You will
Do what You will
Do what You will

I feel like a blind man in Your sight
I know that I’m wicked in Your eyes
So wash me and make me shine like Your
Son, I want to tell everyone that Your the only one

I’m ready now, I’m ready now
I’m ready now, do what You will

I’m ready now
I’m ready now
I’m ready now

Oh Lord You’ve searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There’s no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me

~At the cross~ Hillsong~

I don’t’ like when animals die… it makes me really sad and cry.

You can have my heart
But it isn’t new,
It’s been used and broken,
And only comes in blue.
It’s been down a long road,
And it got dirty on the way,
If I give it to you, will u make it clean, wash the pain away.

You can have my heart,
If you don’t mind broken things,
You can have my heart,
If you don’t mind these tears,
But I heard that you make all things new,
So I gave these pieces all to you,
If you want it, you can have my heart.

So beyond repair,
Nothing I could do,
Tried to fix it myself,
But it was only worse, when I got through.
Then you walk right into my darkness,
And you speak words so sweet,
You hold me like a child,
Till my frozen tears, fall at your feet.

You can have my heart,
If you don’t mind broken things,
You can have my heart,
If you don’t mind these tears,
But I heard that you make all things new,
So I gave these pieces all to you,
If you want it, you can have my heart.

—Juliet Turner