So, I got an email that said that I got a comment on my blog and I looked and saw that J-Dawg wants me to update. lol. So I decided to make this happen.

Hmmm… Let’s see, this summer was actually one of my favorites. I worked and hung out with my friends. While it had it’s own share of pain and hardship, I wouldn’t change a thing. I grew a lot closer to my friend Sara, got lots of money, and was able to just chill.

To be honest, i’ve been dreading school starting. I’m a DL this year. For those of you who don’t know that is a discipleship leader. I do Bible Study like things for my floor, plan events, build relationship with the girls, ect… I love Lindsay (my co-dl) and Kristin (my RA) so so so much. They have such beautiful hearts and visions and I feel like i’m lacking which sucks.

Leadership training started the 20th and we were going for about 3 days straight and there is still a lot that I have to do before school starts Wednesday. I’m running into some rough spots though. Honestly, i’m kind of burnt out and I haven’t even really started and i’m not sure how that’s possible. I also have to kind of in a way put my friendship with Sara on hold because I have work and meetings all the time and have to be on the floor a lot now. It’s just difficult trying to find balances and trying to be positive and know that i’m doing what i’m supposed to be doing.

I’ve been staying over at Sara’s because she has air conditioning and I can do my laundry at her house for free right now. Plus i’m trying to fit in all the time I can with her before school starts since i won’t have much time then and I know that that will be hard for her. I don’t come until late though because I try to make sure that people are pretty much done for the night and such so I don’t miss anything.

Last night, the official first night I was there until everyone was like in their rooms for the night and then I decided to take off for Sara’s. Plus it’s welcome week for all of the new students, so right now they’re all super busy with workshops and stuff. So to me I feel like it’s not a big deal that i’m trying to suck up the last little bit of summer before I really have to throw myself into this position. But as I was leaving last night one of my friends got a bit crabby with me and was like, I can’t believe your leaving your floor their first night here. And I was like they’re asleep, and she said still. So I said well your not on your floor and she said but at least i’m on campus and I said okay then.

I mean there wasn’t a lot else I could do. It just really hurt me, because I can honestly say i’m trying my best and i’m questioning so much right now and trying to figure everything out and so it was just very hurtful for me that things were said like that. So on the one hand, it’s nice for me to have the little breaks right now and kind of escape, and it’s important to Sara, but then on the other hand I already have at least one person critiquing my decisions in a kind of hurtful way.

So frankly, i’m frustrated and worn out. I know i’m doing what I need to be doing as of right now but as for all of the little details, they’re fuzzy and so i’m just doing the best I can with what I have. It’s just hard.

I also don’t know what I want to do as of next year. So much of me loves the bigger city but I miss home and I don’t know if I still need/ want to be at North Central. So I dont know what I want to do. Just continue here, try to get a place and go to a community college here, move home and finish at like IUK. I just really don’t know.

I just feel like i’m failing and confused and I hate feeling those things. Plus I feel like the things I decide right now affect the people I love and that they all have opinions about everything which is really hard for me.

I just want a booklet telling me what to do and I want to not feel so bad, so consistently.

So yeah, I do like TJ. I think it’s cool. My roommate and I get along really well. I’ve been sick for like 2 and a half weeks now. Oh! Jesse, on my floor are two girls who transferred from South eastern or wherever you are, lol. Crazy right?

I will try to update more frequently, but in the mean time, I would defiantly not hate feedback or love for Tiffany or something. lol. I can’t believe i’m mooching for love. I’ve fallen so far. lol

I love you all and hope you are all great!

Hugs and Cuddles, Tiffany