I am angry and bitter

I hate being angry and bitter

why do people suck so badly sometimes…

“True complexity arises when we must defend these values in a world that does not universally embrace them — when we reach the place where we must be intolerant in order to defend tolerance, or unkind in order to defend kindness, or hateful in order to defend what we love.”

Thanks Jesse!

So, I got an email that said that I got a comment on my blog and I looked and saw that J-Dawg wants me to update. lol. So I decided to make this happen.

Hmmm… Let’s see, this summer was actually one of my favorites. I worked and hung out with my friends. While it had it’s own share of pain and hardship, I wouldn’t change a thing. I grew a lot closer to my friend Sara, got lots of money, and was able to just chill.

To be honest, i’ve been dreading school starting. I’m a DL this year. For those of you who don’t know that is a discipleship leader. I do Bible Study like things for my floor, plan events, build relationship with the girls, ect… I love Lindsay (my co-dl) and Kristin (my RA) so so so much. They have such beautiful hearts and visions and I feel like i’m lacking which sucks.

Leadership training started the 20th and we were going for about 3 days straight and there is still a lot that I have to do before school starts Wednesday. I’m running into some rough spots though. Honestly, i’m kind of burnt out and I haven’t even really started and i’m not sure how that’s possible. I also have to kind of in a way put my friendship with Sara on hold because I have work and meetings all the time and have to be on the floor a lot now. It’s just difficult trying to find balances and trying to be positive and know that i’m doing what i’m supposed to be doing.

I’ve been staying over at Sara’s because she has air conditioning and I can do my laundry at her house for free right now. Plus i’m trying to fit in all the time I can with her before school starts since i won’t have much time then and I know that that will be hard for her. I don’t come until late though because I try to make sure that people are pretty much done for the night and such so I don’t miss anything.

Last night, the official first night I was there until everyone was like in their rooms for the night and then I decided to take off for Sara’s. Plus it’s welcome week for all of the new students, so right now they’re all super busy with workshops and stuff. So to me I feel like it’s not a big deal that i’m trying to suck up the last little bit of summer before I really have to throw myself into this position. But as I was leaving last night one of my friends got a bit crabby with me and was like, I can’t believe your leaving your floor their first night here. And I was like they’re asleep, and she said still. So I said well your not on your floor and she said but at least i’m on campus and I said okay then.

I mean there wasn’t a lot else I could do. It just really hurt me, because I can honestly say i’m trying my best and i’m questioning so much right now and trying to figure everything out and so it was just very hurtful for me that things were said like that. So on the one hand, it’s nice for me to have the little breaks right now and kind of escape, and it’s important to Sara, but then on the other hand I already have at least one person critiquing my decisions in a kind of hurtful way.

So frankly, i’m frustrated and worn out. I know i’m doing what I need to be doing as of right now but as for all of the little details, they’re fuzzy and so i’m just doing the best I can with what I have. It’s just hard.

I also don’t know what I want to do as of next year. So much of me loves the bigger city but I miss home and I don’t know if I still need/ want to be at North Central. So I dont know what I want to do. Just continue here, try to get a place and go to a community college here, move home and finish at like IUK. I just really don’t know.

I just feel like i’m failing and confused and I hate feeling those things. Plus I feel like the things I decide right now affect the people I love and that they all have opinions about everything which is really hard for me.

I just want a booklet telling me what to do and I want to not feel so bad, so consistently.

So yeah, I do like TJ. I think it’s cool. My roommate and I get along really well. I’ve been sick for like 2 and a half weeks now. Oh! Jesse, on my floor are two girls who transferred from South eastern or wherever you are, lol. Crazy right?

I will try to update more frequently, but in the mean time, I would defiantly not hate feedback or love for Tiffany or something. lol. I can’t believe i’m mooching for love. I’ve fallen so far. lol

I love you all and hope you are all great!

Hugs and Cuddles, Tiffany

Hello all, Let’s see. I was unable to move into my single Friday so I moved in Saturday morning. So far I really like it a lot. Sara came over and helped me organize and arrange it, which actually worked out very well.

I still have some things to do in the room. Like some more organizing and such but I figure that should be fun.

I have been improving in th world of Guitar Hero 3 which is pretty exciting. I have also shown improvement in ddr.

In other news though, my NCU key card stopped wotrking and they can’t fix it for like 3 weeks which sucks, but i’ll deal.

I just got done watching fool’s gold (the movie) I liked it quite a bit.

I would write more for now, but i’m kinda tired and so am appearently running out of things to say, lol.

I love you all and will see you soon.

<33333

Lets’ see.

I move into my single tomorrow and then i’m supposed to wash my car and then I’m going to work.

Maybe not though, lol.

I’m getting ready to watch cars with Sara. She is going to help me move in the morning.

Oh yeah, and circus city days are… awesome! I dunno what you’re talking about Jesse. lol.

Goodnight all,

<33333

So… It’s been a looonnnggg time since I last blogged. I am at my computer now, so I thought I would write something. At the moment Jana, Sara Drexler, my friend Sara Holtgrave, and I are watching Just married. My other roommate Connie is in the shower.

Sara D, Katie P, Connie, and Jana just got back from playing Dutch Blitz. It is actually a really fun game. I highly recommend it.

Let’s see, what’s new around here. I live in Mensing right now. We get our own bathroom and there is a kitchen here. In the hall is a free pile that someone made and put all their crap in it. Jana and some of them were watching an old pirate movie. So Katie P. and I got bored and went and raided the free pile. We put on all the crap and called it our booty and then acted like pirates for a half hour or so. It was pretty entertaining for us anyway. lol.

The next day Connie had cake in the kitchen so Katie and I called it our booty and just like started shoving it into our mouths. For some reason calling it our booty justified us cramming our faces with it. lol.

Right now I have a multiple and am rooming with two of my friends. Connie and Jana. I am, however, moving into the single next door on friday. I actually think this will be very good for me despite the fact that how it came about kind of sucked for a while. I do think I will be happier in a single though.

Work is going well. I’m sure i’ll hate it in a few months like everyone else, but for now I still think it is kinda cool that I work in the mall of america. Plus I get to go to underwater world for free! lol. also, I met sara H. there so, really at the end of the day I don’t think I could ever resent working there. It was worth it to me. Plus it’s also nice to be making money.

I went to Montana. Drove through the rockies and such. It was incredibly beautiful. It was a nice trip and i’m very glad I went. Sara and I jumped in the freezing lake while there and then sat on the beach and watched the sunset while there. It was amazing. Probably one of the prettiest things i’ve ever seen and coolest things i’ve done.

I’ll be coming home for circus city days. Sara and I are coming and will get there around the 14th of July. Sara will be there for the first 4 or 5 days because that’s all she could get off work. I will be there until the 27th though. I’m really excited to bring her home and show here indiana despite the fact that there really isn’t much to do. But at the end of the day I love my family, friends, and Indiana. So while there’s not much to do it’s nice to share a big piece of my heart with one of my friends from here.

I’m planning on seeing the new batman movie in the imax theater up here. I figure that will be, oh I dunno, AWESOME. lol.

I miss you all and I will try to update more. I like keeping you guys updated on my life even if I suck at it sometimes. lol.

I love you all!

Hugs and Cuddles!

<333333 T-cup

(sara is the greatest) <—– that is Sara’s way of saying hi and signing my blog, lol. She’s pretty much awesome. so I highly recommend trying to met her while she’s in town.

I will see you all soon.

Hey guys. I’m sorry I haven’t updated in like well, years. lol.

I will try to update later tonight. I have a meeting coming up in a few minutes. I have to go sign up for classes.

But later, I will tell of, bubble fights, comforter stealing, birthday parties, and whatever else I can remember, lol.

Happy Sunday guys! Right now I am listening to Hillsong and copying my R.A.’s cds to my computer. I’m trying to build back my music collection. It will take a while since most of my beloved cds are at home. but I will try.

In other news, Jana’s hair turned out amazing!!! My hair turned out good also. I like it a lot actually. It doesn’t look very different but I like it a lot.

School is going well thus far. I like all of my classes. I’m finding that I have a huge loss of motivation this semester. I just want to sleep a lot. Most of the time I am with people or out doing something, but a lot of times I just really want to be sleeping. I think overall emotionally i’m just having a little bit of a hard time. I can’t even really explain it. I just feel like i’m in a slump.

But as Dr. Watson says, “People will fail you. Organizations will let you down, but God is faithful.”

Even if I don’t feel that sometimes. I know that it is true. I know that people I love will hurt me and let me down and that I will let them down and it will suck and hurt and I will let myself down and God down, but at the end of it all God will be there with me even if I want to hide from him and run away, he will be next to me because even when I don’t deserve him or his love he still loves me. He would rather have a dirty broken Tiffany than no Tiffany at all and that is a hard concept for me to master.

I’m not so good with accepting love these days or finding hope. Part of me just wants to honestly just curl up in my misery and cry but I won’t do it.

Even if  I have nothing left to give right now except to pretty much exist I know that I will come to a place where I can start really living again. I know that it’s all going to be okay. It’s just hurts really bad getting there sometimes.

I didn’t expect this post to be so depressing. Sorry. I’m sure it will pet up soon enough.

In other news though. Katie P. and I bought a birthday pie and ate it the other day. It was quite entertaining. lol.

I love you all! <333333

Let’s see… Right now I am currently waiting to wash the dye out of my hair. We did two different colors so i’m not too sure how it is going to turn out but either way i’m pretty okay with it.

In other news on my birthday I went out with some friends and got my cartilage pierced. It hurt a little and still does some, but i’m happy with it. My birthday soul mate Katie P. got a tattoo. She and I share the same birthday, year and all. It’s pretty exciting.

Overall it was a pretty thrilling evening, and now my lovely Jana is washing the dye out of her new hot hair. It’s been a good night.

On March 1st i’m going to see Angels and Airwaves/ Meg and Dia in concert! I’m so excited!

I miss you all and love you very much! <33333333

Hello all, I can’t talk long because i’m getting ready to leave and head towards Dinky town to visit some used cd and book stores and to look at some retro stores. I’m pretty excited.

I think my dell dj is broken and done for tho which has broken my heart since it contains ALL of my music!!! How sad right??? I know!!!

Anyway, I will write more later. I must leave.

Hugs and Cuddles, <3 always Tiffer.